A tool
grab and go
When somebody you love dies, the love does not. It keeps showing up. It needs somewhere to go. This is somewhere for it to go.
What was your favourite thing about that person?
What was their best quality?
Two questions, handcuffed. Ask them slowly. The second one unlocks the first.
If the answer is hard to find, try one of these on for size: they were generous, they were authentic, they listened without judgment, they could find a laugh anywhere, they noticed the quiet ones. Or something only you would know. The smaller and stranger, the better. Specific beats poetic.
My sister was an amazing listener. A space of no judgment. That was the thing I loved most.
Once you have your answer, you have something portable. Not a memory. A quality. Memories live in the past. Qualities can be carried.
Be that thing in your life. Today, in some small way. If they were generous, be generous to one person today. If they listened without judgment, listen without judgment to one person today. You are not pretending to be them. You are letting the best of them keep happening in the world through you. The best parts of them are still alive. They live in you now.
Find someone else carrying a loss. Ask them the same two questions. Listen to the answer. Then hand it back to them: I can see that quality alive in you right now. Watch what happens to their face.